Here I go again

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BAM! Depression came out of nowhere and took me down. I guess I knew I was depressed, but tried to hide it. I found myself hopeless, irritable, and tired all the time.

It sucks.

So, I went back to my Dr. and ask for help, which was hard for me to do. There is guilt in feeling this way, like it's a waste of time when I could be doing something more productive. Depression isn't just being sad, and it isn't always obvious -- even to the one suffering.

My doc and I decided I should get back on my mood stabilizer and take an antidepressant. I have been off antidepressants for 2 years (only on anxiety meds) and didn't want to go back but now I have no choice if I want to live a healthy life.

Don't be ashamed to ask for help.

I wanted to die. I didn't trust anyone. I thought everyone was out to get me. I thought I was in this alone.

But I'm glad I'm on this journey up hill, though it will be a struggle. I am also going to start back seeing a psychologist to talk about my issues. I tried talking to my husband, but my anger and frustration get in the way.

I'm ready to get better, and will document my journey because I know there are others who were once on medication, then got off it thinking that they could handle life unaided, but eventually had to go back on it. I believe I will be on my medication for the rest of my life and although that is not what I want it is better than having to be back down here again. Thanks for the support. Mad love,

AJ