BPD love on the Rocks
BPD people SHOULD NOT pursue a loving relationship. You are uncontrollable. You hurt everyone you care for. You have no sense of who you are. It. Will. Fail.
This was my past self-talk fueled by years of tumultuous and failed relationships. Each one I learned more about loving myself and how to treat others.
Some of my relationships were just bad matches, some were abusive, some great guys. Most of them wanted to understand why I was so wonderful at times, then suddenly aggressive. They either felt they were doing something wrong or I was just very eccectic. I even believe some of them were attracted to my mood swings and need for love, especially the abusive relationship.
My love is so endearing, yet erratic. I love so much that it turns into anger that turns into guilt that turns into apologies that turns into a lower sense of self-worth.
"I accepted my partner isn't perfect and cannot read my mind. I tell him how I feel and stressed to him that communication and honesty are what I most value in a relationship."
Sometimes I was sure I was in a relationship with someone else with a mental disorder, though I did not feel it was my place to diagnose them. I dated a guy who definitely had signs of BPD and it was my longest relationship --- a full year. Well, between breaking up and getting back together briefly.
A psychologist told me once that having BPD meant I was emotionally immature. I had not found out how to function properly with my emotions at a young age as other children do. I'm always seeking acceptance, attention, and yes, idealistic love.
Feast your eyes on real love!
But real love isn't the romantic fantasy we with BPD dream of . I accept my partner isn't perfect and cannot read my mind. I tell him how I feel and stressed to him that communication and honesty are what I most value in a relationship.
Most of us don't get into relationships to constantly hurt the one we love. It's a reaction to the belief we are not receiving the love we crave and deserve. Our fear of abandonment causes us to cry out for attention. We might throw a tantrum or tell them they don't care about us, when we know it’s not true.
Communication and honesty are the best policy.
Take care of yourself by staying on your meds and visiting your psychologist to vent and advise you on how to be your best healthy self for you and your partner. Try to educate your partner about your disease and come up with a plan and tools you can use when you feel your emotions exploding. Think of ways you and your partner can both recognize the signs and react positively, instead of matching your anger. If things seem too much to handle and argument are prevalent, find a therapist to be a mediator. Every love needs matenence and takes work.
But remember to always thank them for being there for you. Give them a token of love or leave a simple love note on the dresser because they are dealing with something they could have said no to, but they are there for you.