Life is surviving but suicide is shiny


  The media is taking notice of their power and influence, sounding the alarm on "suicide contagion". After the suicide of beloved American celebrities designer Kate Spade, followed by chef Anthony Bourdain soon after, the coverage of their loss might embolden those that might already be thinking of taking their lives.

According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention the overall rise of suicides nationwide is almost 25%.

I've always been told suicide is cowardly and selfish. I struggle with depression, and suicidal thoughts. I've self-harmed by cutting myself, trying hard to build up the courage to take my life, but I'd always chicken out -- because I never could make myself completely lose hope (I use to think this made me weak).

The truth is that no one can reach you unless you are determined to live yourself. There has to be a part of the of you that has not given up. No one has the power to change your mind or alter your thinking. And hope -- the will to live -- is not easy to dull out. It was there before I got on antidepressants when I felt so alone. I had hope.


How do you will yourself to live when everything seems so bad? You've lost motivation in the things you use to love, your faith in people has been shaken, and getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day. How do you will yourself to live when everything is bad?

I'm alive today because I watched others take their lives from classmates to fellow mental hospital patients I met along my way and I wondered, what if they would have lived through their temporary sadness? It does get better, but bad things still happen. But by surviving the shiny lure of a quick death, I experienced marriage, my nephews, myself in the future. I think those who I witnessed give up would have found the future better than where they were. We'll all die, but I'm determined to live this one life even if it's not easy.

The love. The love of my family. The love of my husband. My cats. The love is what makes me stick around.

I hope you have love in your life and it reminds you all is not lost.

When struggling with dark thoughts, it is imperative that you reach out to those who care about you. If you feel you cannot or need a non-judgemental ear please call:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline